The coach got coached

Written by Payal

March 21, 2023

coach payal giving a peace sign while taking a mirror selfie under a sign that says you are here

I asked a question during my Ben Hardy call and got humbled. I wasn’t learning the lessons I thought I had.

Ben Hardy is a coach of mine – not in that personal 1:1 way but in the way that I pay attention to what he’s putting down. I’m picking it up and examining it and trying it on to see if it fits me.

Side note: I will no longer blindly assume that someone else’s advice or guidance, no matter where they are in their life that I may think I want to be or that I perceive as somehow ‘successful’ will work for me. I can only try things out and see how it works or makes me feel.  Sometimes we’re not in a place to really hear something, as Iyanla Vanzant famously told Oprah Winfrey once when Oprah was confused as to why she let an opportunity slip through her fingers. “I couldn’t hear that,” she said.

I get that now.

So I’m in this call with Ben Hardy and a others who are in his accelerated momentum program (AMP). Ben asks a few of us to share our wins, gives us some journal prompts to help us guide and direct our efforts in March. Then, he asks for any questions.

Of course, I had one.

My question stemmed from an activity I did, where I wrote a letter to my future self. In this letter, I outlined how things were going to be three months later as if they had already happened. Ben Hardy emailed me that letter three months later. When I read it, I was taken back to that day I wrote it, all the feelings of possibility and excitement and. . .

. . . feelings of let down that I didn’t accomplish some of the things I said I would.

No matter that I told myself I gained so much more. That some of the goals I set for myself weren’t actually important goals. I couldn’t help but feel stung by my own words. How did I let myself down?

So my question to Ben was, how do you manage those feelings of disappointment when you don’t accomplish what you set out to do?

The answers I got from Ben and others in the program made so much sense. It was helpful to help me shift out of feeling sorry for myself. Some of the members reminded me that the past was not able to be changed. That everything happens for me, not to me. Sometimes we set goals that don’t align to what we really want to do and therefore, lose focus because it’s not important in a meaningful way.

At the end Ben commented that perhaps I was still valuing quantity of things accomplished over the quality. Yeah, maybe I am!

I didn’t like hearing how I was less than perfect. It’s a leftover reaction to my fixed mindset that I had. I accepted what was said to me graciously and with the knowledge that everyone on that call wanted me to succeed and were there to support me.

So, what am I going to do? I’m going to continue to envision my future self and setting goals. I’m going to continue to examine my commitment to these goals. And I’m going to ask myself an important question when I start to see patterns –

What lesson am I not learning?

If you are finding yourself stuck, don’t go it alone! Reach out to me for a call to see if working with me would be helpful to you. You’ll get insights from just the first call that is going to set you on the path to your own greatness – try it out. You have nothing to lose and so much to gain.

PS: I am giving away  my hard cover copy of Be Your Future Self Now  by Ben Hardy to the next person who references this post and signs up for coaching with me.

If you’re here, and you’re considering how I might be able to support you, why not schedule a call with me? It’s free. There’s absolutely no pressure to buy anything – it’s just two people having a chat and seeing where it could go from there.


  1. Lacey

    Ooh, this hit me too. I want to hold myself accountable to my goals, but also not try to control things out of my control… Any new insights after writing new goals?

    • Payal

      Lacey, thanks for sharing this! Honestly I’m still reflecting on the comment that I may be putting too high a value on quantity of things done. I’m looking at what I’m celebrating and asking myself if that’s an example of me feeling accomplished on the number of things vs the quality and really moving things forward.

      I did have a moment this week where I realized there was something I was avoiding by hiding behind ‘tasks’ – that was an eyeopener.

      So, I’m changing things up by condensing things I was spreading out over the month and re-focusing my efforts on to things that really matter!


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